I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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