we made out on top of his cat.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
