omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
