I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
