last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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