oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
