I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
