Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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