Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
