Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
