i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
