She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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