I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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