oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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