I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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