Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize