May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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