Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
