just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
