If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
