Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
