do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
