You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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