she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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