Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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