Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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