yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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