no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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