so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
