that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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