Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
