When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
