ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
