perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
