So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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