So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
