I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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