take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
