Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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