Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
