Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
