you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We need to feng shui this bitch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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