At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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