I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
