I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
