i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
