She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
