I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My vagina just clenched in fear
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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