You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
not ubering you a puppy
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
