I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
