i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
