He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
