and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
