Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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