Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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