I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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