OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
