They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
