You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
