New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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