just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
