Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
