just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
How's work?
Spinning.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
