and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
