apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
